*rolls eyes*

God, so much drama this weekend.  And from three boys, not two.  I don't even know where to begin, but it's all put me in limbo, and I've adopted a zen attitude to deal with it so I don't scream in frustration.  Maybe I'll explain tomorrow.

Another one bites the dust

Well, I guess I have my answer.  I know that 21's phone had run out of minutes so he couldn't contact me, but I figured once he purchased more, I would hear from him.  He got the minutes, and I know this because of a little Facebook stalking.  Yes, again.  He posted a couple of hours ago from his phone and another 15 minutes ago posted "ha ha sweet lady kisses," which is obviously not about me.  I guess he decided he was no longer interested in me, and became another in a long line of "never call agains."  Because we all know how much I LOVE that.  I am hurt, but I'm trying to compartmentalize and move on.

On a brighter note, I texted Nola, and instead of bailing early on my friends, we're going to go out Monday.  I'm supposed to call him Sunday so we can decide where and when.  It still is a little strange, and I can't wait to pick his brain about why he waited so long.

I do have Keeneland tomorrow, which will be fun, and a great concert afterwards.  Nola was debating driving down separately from the buses so we could hang out for the day (he would have to leave earlier than the buses for a previous commitment.).  We'll see what happens, and what kind of trouble I can get into with all the included alcohol.

"I got your back jack. Bitches be crazy!"

So after all the planning and talking, I was stood up today for my date with 21.  I ended up waiting at the mall for over an hour, unable to get a hold of him via call or text.  I'm so incredibly pissed off and am seriously considering not pursuing this.  At this point, I still have stronger feelings for him than Nola, but they're quickly turning sour.

As far as that goes, I'll see if he doesn't mind getting together around 9:30pm on Sunday.  I have the potluck dinner with friends, but they'll understand, I'm sure, if I duck out early.  I was considering seeing what he's doing tomorrow night, but I have a planned night in (much needed and deserved) and Keeneland the next morning.

I was nervous about the overlap here, and having to choose, but it appears life has chosen for me.  We'll see what happens.

Is this the third thing? Because . . . DAYUM!

I received this text today from one of the guys I hung out with in NOLA. It was a follow up to a note I got on Facebook, basically inviting me to have drinks sometime. The text was an invite for tonight, so I figured, what the hell, I'll go. I had no expectations. and really had no idea who all would be there. Well, apparently this was a date.

After kickball, my team hung out for awhile at MLT's, and I did some karaoke. It was fun, and I have some great pictures I'll post on Facebook later. The invite was to go to Habits in Oakley, so I made my way over there. I was the only one besides him and it quickly became apparent that he had asked me out and not as a friend. We talked for awhile, and it was nice. I don't remember how it came up, but he discovered that I absolutely hate the name "Annie." So he proceeds to call me this, and threaten to use it in the future. Of course, I become annoyed, and we talk about how I want to punch him, but violence doesn't solve anything and it wouldn't make him stop anyway.

We continued the banter in this vein until we were ready to go. He walked me to my car with his arm around me the whole time. I gave him a hug goodbye. To be honest, I thought he was cute while we were in New Orleans. By the time I got home, he had texted me that he had a good time and would I be free to go out on Sunday? I do have plans, but I told him we may be able to meet up later that night. I'm willing to see where this goes, and we did have a blast in NOLA- he took very good care of me.

Why does this have to happen now? Why didn't he say something while we in New Orleans? It's been over 2 months! Geez louise, this is my kind of luck!

Tonight was just so strange that it completely distracted me from posting about the mouse or my foot. Maybe tomorrow, or more strangeness will occur.

Curveball

I talked to 21 on Friday. He had visited his dad the previous night, and said it was both a good and bad visit. Immediately, I was wary. He tells me that it was nice seeing him, but that his dad found him a job, and oh, by the way, it starts tonight. While this doesn't seem like a big deal, here's a few facts about the situation.

He's going to live with his dad in Lawrenceburg, IN, which is 45 minutes away.
The job is 3rd shift in a factory.
He will still be going to school in the mornings.
He does not have a license, so I will have to do all the driving to see him.
He does not have weekends off, so actual face time is going to be difficult.

And the kicker: he really likes me, he thinks I'm cute, he wants to pursue every avenue possible with me, and he wants to see this go long term. How can I say no to that?

We're going to keep dating, and see where this goes. Honestly, it could be a blessing in disguise, as the distance forces me to calm my libido down, and we'll spend more time on the phone getting to know each other. So far, communication doesn't seem to be a problem. He even responded to a text this afternoon in the middle of family dinner, and promised to call me later.

I feel bad about it, but I'm going to bail on my friends on Thursday (we were going to do karaoke), so that I can go over there and we can hash out a schedule in person. I hate to be that regimented, but considering how busy we both are, this is probably the best solution.

Still waiting for the third thing . . .

Update:

We're meeting in Kenwood when I get out of work on Thursday and I'll be meeting some of his friends. Getting nervous now.

I am also an idiot.

He sent me a text today-his phone broke and he just got it fixed today. We had a good conversation and we're going out tomorrow night. I'm excited and nervous all over again, as we're going to tour the Dent Haunted Schoolhouse with a bunch of my good friends. Even more so than the gays, these people matter to me. I don't want them to scare him off, and in return, I want them to like him. I hope he doesn't get the impression I'm trying to move too fast, as he keeps meeting my friends. It just so happens that I am that busy, and fitting him into my life means doing things like this. Plus, I hope he understands that I can't bail on prearranged plans, lol, especially after not hearing from him for several days.

I can see this going somewhere, I just hope he does too.

I am a terrible person.

I spent all my energy trying not to "like" like 21, and now I've gone and done it. He was just so nice and genuine that he broke through all of my defenses. The problem is, I haven't heard from him in three days. Which is understandable, considering the tragedy he's gone through. But, I am selfish and want to hear from him. Every. Single. Day. I sent him a quick text on Monday afternoon, asking how he was doing that day. I also called Monday night and got his voicemail, but didn't leave a message. I have refrained since then because I don't want to come off as needy or clingy. (but would it hurt him to send a quick text along the lines of "need more time?")

I'm really hoping I hear from him soon. I thought we had a good time, and he wanted to see me again, so my brain goes to "what did I do wrong?" Did I not share my feelings? When he asked me what I was thinking and I replied, "nothing," was he dissatisfied with my answer? Is he bothered by the age difference? Has he lost interest, and this is another case of 'never call again' that I always seem to attract?

The bottom line is, everyone grieves at their own pace, and it may take him a week or more. I am a terrible person for wanting to speed this up and have him pay attention to me. The last thing he needs is to work on a new relationship when his head is elsewhere. If he calls me again, great, if not, we had fun for a bit, and I should move on.

I'll give him a call next week.

The Weekend

So, I had a weekend of ups and downs. Here's the lowdown: Friday night was wonderful. 21 had a good time at the housewarming party and said he like the gays. He was able to hold his own in the conversations and didn't stay at my side the whole night; he actually mingled. In return, the gays gave their seal of approval and told me not to mess it up. We had a wonderful (albeit too short) car ride home, and he sweetly kissed me goodnight, and made plans to hang out on Sunday.

Saturday had its moments. Ultimate was awesome, and I climbed a tree for the hell of it. I scraped my leg, but I don't regret it. Then I got a random text from Ondreas, and we met for lunch and had a blast. I ended up staying later than intended, and headed out late to Christian's party. Apparently, I missed the gun shooting and ATV/beer riding. Oh darn. The theme was Oktoberfest, so there was a lot of pork in the meal, and I had to pick and choose. If it wasn't a brat, it had bacon in it. Very difficult to find anything I could eat. I had some noodles, green beans, and a couple of tastes of desserts. I didn't stay very long, as I wasn't having fun.

I didn't realize until I started having an allergic reaction on the road driving home, that one of the desserts was made with wine or cordial. I was having trouble breathing, I got very flushed, and an extreme headache that was hindering my vision. I pulled over into a gas station and passed out. I believe I was only out for about 5 minutes, but I still waited an additional half hour to drive again. It was the most severe reaction I've ever had, and it was scary considering I was all alone, and driving a car. I hate to be that person, but I guess I have to ask from now on for every ingredient in a dish.

I still ended up heading to my NOLA reunion, but I only stayed for a couple of hours. I got to see a bunch of people that I've missed and had some good laughs. I still didn't completely feel well, so I went home. Apparently a big group barhopped after, which I would have loved, but it was not to be.

Sunday, I was so looking forward to, as 21 was very clear in asking when he could see me again, and it would have been fun to see him in a comfortable environment, watching the games. I got a text early asking how I was doing, and he proceeded to tell me that his friend had committed suicide that morning. I've been through it, so I told him that and asked if there was anything I could do for him. He said he needed the day and some understanding and that he was going to spend the day with the family. I told him to take all the time he needed, and to give me a call when he was ready. My heart goes out to him and the family as it's very tragic to lose someone, especially that young. I still have a pang when I think of my friend John from high school and how no one even knew until it was too late.

I really hope I hear from him again, and that he feels comfortable enough to talk to me about it.

30/2=15 15+7=22

Comments on the age difference:

Warmin, Drew
-let me ask you, when you see a rated R movie with 21, do you have to buy his ticket?
-I hope Kris' party ends early. Chuckie Cheese closes at 9
-When he picks you up to dinner do you have to sit on the handlebar of his bike?
Witgen, Ann E
ok, funny story
i'm picking him up tomorrow
Warmin, Drew
-as well you should, the driver's license age is older in ohio than the rest of the country
-Does he earn a Boy Scout merit badge for capturing a puma?
Witgen, Ann E
plus, i can only imagine the crap he's getting from his friends about me
Warmin, Drew
-haha - true. They must be having a blast ragging on him under their mattress forts at their sleepovers
-of course 21 could tell you that too..... on his Buzz Lightyear watch-with real lazer sounds and everything
-so are you planning on taking him trick or treating this year? Remember to go through his candy before he eats any
-I hear the Wiggles are in town this weekend, you should do that

Fleury, Allen E
-what time is his curfew?
Witgen, Ann E
dunno, whenever his mom says he has to be home
Fleury, Allen E
-so do you have to pay for dinner, or is his allowance enough to cover it?
-Will you put a night light in your room for when he comes for a sleepover?
-does he only hold your hand when you're crossing the street?

The restraining order says 500 feet

So I went a little Facebook stalker-y earlier, and found 21's profile. He really should learn how to change his privacy settings. But I digress. I looked through his pictures, as he's really cute, and I only have the one, which is a bad one of the both of us. Then, I notice his status update: "Ok, so now I'm into older girls . . ."

This seriously made me smile, as it's totally about me!

Someone please stop me!

Also, a weird thing happened to me today. I pulled up alongside Yacob, the cab driver I dated last year and the one that I reference earlier about dating me 3 times and not calling because I wouldn't put out. I'm not sure if the universe is trying to tell me something, and if so, what?

Smooth

My date with 21 went really well. He made me dinner at his house, and he is such a fantastic cook! He is going to culinary school, and taught me a few things about smoke point and such. I'm not sure exactly what was on the chicken for seasoning, but it was to die for! I had a couple of people yell at me for acting unsafe on a first date, but I counter with:

1. his mom was there
2. my brother knew where I was going and had the address
3. we have close mutual friends
4. another friend lived two streets over

He definitely says and does all the right things. I had this happen before, and because I wouldn't put out, I didn't get called again after three dates. I'm hoping this is different, but I still remain cautious. We spent hours just talking about everything under the sun.

He cooks, he sings, he's well spoken and well read, AND he loves pop culture. Here I go again!

We texted a bit yesterday, and I was supposed to call him a little after nine, but I didn't get home until 11. We're going out on Friday, but Kris and Andrew are having their housewarming party that night, and it's kind of important I go, as we're so close. I would like to take 21, but I don't want to put any pressure on him. Although, I have already met his brother, his mom, and a couple of friends. It can't hurt to ask, and if he doesn't want to go, I have several suggestions for us to do instead. Kris will forgive me, eventually. lol

I will keep you posted . . .

Update: he's coming with me to the party; says he's looking forward to it. We'll see, and I've told my friends to behave.

Still pensive, but Sad Panda no more

So, a few things are settled, and some are still up in the air, but I'm not nearly as stressed.

I've decided to devote myself more to Give Back Cincinnati. I sat down Friday and hashed out a plan with the chair of the YPs for transitioning to new leadership so that I can roll off at the beginning of the year. I will still stay on as advisor, but will have much less of a hands on position.

I still haven't found a roommate. I would really like one to be able to save money, but if I limit my events to one a month that costs a bit more, and spend more time at the cheap/free ones, I can make it on my own by watching my spending like a hawk. I'll continue to look, but it'll be ok. I'm going to go to the bank to see if I can consolidate my loans into one, which would lower my monthly payment.

I'm still not sure about my job, but I'm going to buckle down and really commit. It's not that I don't get it, it's just that I'm bombarded from all sides. I need to apply focus and do one item at a time until I can cross it off the list. The jumping around I keep doing is not helping my productivity.

I still have feelings for my friend, but since I don't know where he stands, I'm going to go on my date tonight and enjoy myself. Who knows where that will go, as he's 21, but I'll have a good time for sure. I'm not opposed to the age difference- 9 years is nothing, it's just that he may be in a different place than I am. Which is ok, if we're not going to go long term. When we met on Saturday, it was an instant connection. He kept scooching closer to me and bumping my knee, until he didn't move his hand, and I didn't want him to. ;)

I figure 21 and I will have fun for the time being, and in the meantime, I'll try to decipher my friend's feelings. I've been talking to Radhika about the situation, and she's given great advice. The next time we get together for dinner, I'll suggest we rent a movie too. We'll see. It makes me wonder if he does like me as he challenges me and frustrates me at every turn. No one else is able to push my buttons that far- he tells me he enjoys doing so.

I don't know, very sleepy right now, and my head is muddled. More on this tomorrow.