Got it in writing

I got contacted by a guy I went to high school with on Facebook chat the other day. It was totally random and I haven't talked to him since the drama reunion two years ago. Now, every time I'm online, he wants to chat. And then quote random movie lines at me. I enjoy the conversations, but I have no idea why he's talking to me.

Speaking of non verbal communication, I've been exchanging emails with a guy I "met" online during a free weekend Chemistry.com was hosting. I sent him a note initially because his profile made me laugh out loud repeatedly. We do have a lot in common, and even if nothing happens, again, I'm enjoying the conversations.

Tonight is kickball, followed by beers at MLT's. No Katie = no wingman. I don't know what I'm going to do if Amir is there. He's a bum, but he did show interest . . .

Better to be pissed off than pissed on!

This is the conversation I was a little proud of that I referenced on Facebook. Usually, he pisses me off, but Friday, I managed to make him mad, to the point he logged off communicator and wouldn't talk to me the rest of the day, or that night at ultimate. Plus, I ran into him on the field and knocked him down! I am a horrible friend.

Tra, Quoc L [9:57 AM]:
I was asked by another college lady if I was still in college last night.
Witgen, Ann E [10:03 AM]:
you know, someday that will stop happening
and then what will you do?
right now, it's kind of your hook
Tra, Quoc L [10:07 AM]:
I'll move to a 3rd world country and pretend to be a rich American
Witgen, Ann E [10:07 AM]:
why not try the truth?
Tra, Quoc L [10:08 AM]:
i'm using the truth right now and it works just fine
Witgen, Ann E [10:08 AM]:
no you're not.
Tra, Quoc L [10:08 AM]:
nothing i say is false
Witgen, Ann E [10:08 AM]:
you don't make any effort to correct people's assumptions
Tra, Quoc L [10:08 AM]:
who's fault is that?
Witgen, Ann E [10:08 AM]:
i was told last week that i was 24, and i corrected them
it's deception
so it's your fault
a lie by omission
so, when the lady said you were in college, what did you tell her?
Tra, Quoc L [10:09 AM]:
bah i'm not the one that said it. i make true statements and they make assumptions without using critical thinking to ask the relevant questions
i told her i had finished my food science and technology degree
Witgen, Ann E [10:09 AM]:
that's deliberately misleading
she assumes recently, not ten years ago
Tra, Quoc L [10:10 AM]:
BS what is misleading about saying that I finished my food science and technology degree
again all anyone has do is ask
am i supposed to tell everyone my blood type too while we are doing full disclosure?
Witgen, Ann E [10:11 AM]:
now you're being ridiculous
all i'm saying is, you know that she was making an assumption about your age, and you should correct her
i know you enjoy this little game of yours, but trust me, it pisses women off
just offering my two cents
Tra, Quoc L [10:14 AM]:
i really think you're streching it way beyond reasonable to call it deceptions when I tell a person that I have completed the degree that I have completed.
Witgen, Ann E [10:15 AM]:
i will concede that deception is a strong word, but it still is an omission of a fact
Tra, Quoc L [10:16 AM]:
i'm ok with omission. I was just recently trained by a Lawyer again.
Witgen, Ann E [10:16 AM]:
that's stupid
in the course of the conversation, did you clear it up with her? or did she leave still thinking you were younger?
Tra, Quoc L [10:17 AM]:
i gave her all the clues she needed to put the piece of the puzzle together.
Witgen, Ann E [10:18 AM]:
see? games again
why does she have to piece it together?
Tra, Quoc L [10:19 AM]:
a test of intellegence. if she is not bright enough to figure it out, i'm not really interested in her anyway
Witgen, Ann E [10:20 AM]:
ah, it all makes much more sense now
Tra, Quoc L [10:20 AM]:
she gets plenty of clues through the course of the discussion
Witgen, Ann E [10:20 AM]:
i would think you would want a girl dumber than you
gives you the opportunity to feel superior a lot
Tra, Quoc L [10:20 AM]:
shrug that's too easy to find
Witgen, Ann E [10:21 AM]:
lol
there is a lot to be said for a straightforward, honest discussion
and there are different types of smarts
and knowledge in areas you don't have
Tra, Quoc L [10:22 AM]:
all my discussions are honest and straight foward, you're the one that claims that I do not have a filter
Witgen, Ann E [10:22 AM]:
so you really shouldn't reject someone out of hand because they can't figure out you're older than they assume
you don't have a filter
but you do tend to talk in circles
Tra, Quoc L [10:23 AM]:
I filter out the people who will have very little to talk with me about when it comes down to working through the complex issues of life
i would much rather be single than be in a relationship that can not possiblly work out
Witgen, Ann E [10:25 AM]:
so you are past the point of just enjoying dating?
Tra, Quoc L [10:25 AM]:
dating is a lot of work
Witgen, Ann E [10:27 AM]:
It doesn't have to be. You don't have to make every date an event. Some of the most fun I’ve had has been just hanging out. I think you make it a lot of work, which has colored your process of deciding who to date. This isn't over.

Updates

Dan- Still can't get a hold of him, and I won't leave a message on his voicemail breaking up with him. So are we officially done if he doesn't know?

Amir- He did not show up at MLT's tonight, but he did call me. We also texted back and forth and we're going out Saturday night! He wanted me to call him tonight, but it was way too late by the time I got home to do so and I left a message. I think he will be calling me back tomorrow.

Steve- I haven't talked to him yet since volleyball is tonight. I'm not sure if I will still ask him out; one guy is enough to handle at a time. Although I've been told to date a bunch and play the field, from a friend whose  track record isn't a lot to go by. Her current guy she doesn't even call her boyfriend even though they've been dating 5 months! She is very harsh on him and says he drives her nuts. The sex must be fantastic, or she would have dropped him like a hot potato.

B- I found out today that B likes Katie, which is fine with me. She likes him back and we are totally in the friend zone now. I will do all I can to help those two crazy kids make it! We're still hanging out Saturday afternoon, but I know where we stand now. It'll be a fun group, and I think Katie will join us too.

Moving on . . .

Dan called again on Sunday, but because of his broke-ass phone, all I got was "Hello? Hello?" before it cut off. Not really long enough for me to break up with him. I tried calling back later that night, but big surprise, went to voicemail. I'm not even annoyed anymore. I nothing him.

I called Amir last night, which ironically, I also got voicemail. I kept it breezy and told him my kickball team was coming to MLT's tomorrow night, so if he wanted to hang out, I would be there. We shall see if he shows.

I think I will also ask Steve out from my volleyball team. He seems desperate, which is right up my alley! ;) Moreover, he is a nice guy and as mentioned before, seems into me. We'll see on that as well.

As far as B, I drunk dialed him at the wedding on Saturday (open bar!), but I think we may have crossed over into the friend zone. I'm supposed to hang out with him and his buddy A (also single!) on Saturday. Either way, it will be a good time.

I will update as the situations unfold . . .

Making up for all the years

So, I guess I am making up for my lack of male attention over the years by having too much now. Not necessarily a bad thing, but wow, I don't know what to think.

1. Dan. Enough said.
2. Amir. Guy I met after kickball on Wednesday. He has my number, but if he doesn't call me this weekend, I'm pretty sure I'm going to call him.
3. Craise/Steve. Guys on my volleyball team that like me. Craise bought me a drink last night and fist bumps/high fives me after every time I hit the ball, regardless of where it goes. I missed last week's game because I had to be a volunteer beerseller at the Levee concert series, and Steve came up after the game, bought me dinner, and gave me a $10 in the jar for my trip.
4. B. Guy on my kickball team that I think likes me. He talks to me on communicator, hangs out after kickball, and drunk dialed me after the Kroger picnic last Friday.

And of course . . .
5. J. Guy from last year. Sent me a random text out of the blue last week telling me he missed me and wanted to come to my birthday party. Also asked to crash on my "couch." So not going there ever again- just bears mentioning!

I'm not trying to be vain with all the attention; it's just that listing it here helps me figure out what's going on in my life and maybe helps me find direction.

Man, 29 has been a whirlwind of excitement- I can't wait to turn 30!

You hussy!

I went to the bar after the kickball game tonight. There was a really cute guy there that was clearly into me. I ended up hanging out with him and his friend long after my teammates left and we ended up heading down the street to another bar. We had some fun talking and laughing and making fun of his drunk friend. I can't even blame this on the alcohol because I was drinking diet coke mostly. I let him put his arm around me, and when he walked me to my car, I exchanged numbers with him when he asked.

I know how this sounds, and I am truly conflicted. I have feelings for Dan, but he's not here, and I am lonely. We just assumed exclusivity with our relationship, and I'm not sure he's honoring it on his end. I enjoyed my time with this guy, and I feel like if he calls, I should hang out with him again. It's not that I'm trying to rationalize this or assuade my guilt, but I do feel like I should see what happens and make sure Dan is really the one I want to be with.

I don't know what I'm going to do at this point.

Where the chips fall

We've had some really good conversations this weekend and we are both making a better effort at communication. Whether we meet up in two weeks or not, his intership will be done in a month. And then we'll have three glorious weeks together! I know some of it will be cut short as he has to find a place to live for the school year, but he will actually have a place than I can come visit this time.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. It's just one day at a time, I'm still his sweetie, and we'll talk again tomorrow. I said I didn't need this stress, and I don't, so I just let it go. It is very freeing.

How convenient

So, now that the trip becomes HIS idea, and he actually agreed to meet up, he calls me last night and has come down sick. He doesn't know with what, but just that he feels nauseous, and hopes Gatorade will help. I'm of two minds with this- either he is sick and I should give him the benefit of the doubt, or I am justified in my anger and he's faking the whole thing so he doesn't have to make the drive. Would it be wrong of me to ask if he's really sick? I'm still in limbo as to whether we're going to meet or not, but I'm leaning towards not.

Dammit. He did it to me again. Will keep you posted.

Update: Well, clearly I am not in Pittsburgh. I agreed to give him another chance in two weeks and I'll be taking a half day at work so we can meet at the same time as was planned today. We also talked about when he comes home in August and having a set time to chat each day. Plus, I told him to listen to his frickin' voicemails. He notices when I call but never listens to them- he said he assumed I was saying to give me a call. I am much more original than that.

I'm not pissed off, although I clearly have cause to be, but I am just going to take each day as it comes. And make it a point to share my feelings!

Goodbye, Pittsburgh

Well, I laid it all out in a voicemail last night. I really hated doing that, but Dan is still sending me to it, and I needed to say some things. I told him I do have strong feelings, but I am very frustrated with never being able to get a hold of him. I said that we should set a certain time to talk each day so that we are still communicating, even if I don't see him before the end of his internship. I said that was fine, but I needed to know how he felt about it. I get the impression he doesn't want to meet up this weekend, and that's not ok, but I'll live. I didn't say anything about breaking up, even though I think we are, but I hope he got the seriousness of the situation.

I started crying at work this morning when my coffee cup came up missing, and I hate that he has reduced me to this. I haven't written a letter in over two weeks, and the last one was very angry and won't be shown to Dan. I hate being in limbo, and I refuse to break up via voicemail or text message. I guess I won't know if silence is the only answer I get . . .

Also, that is the last call to him I make without a response.

What does my heart say?

These days, I wonder if this relationship is worth it. I alternate between waiting for Dan to call and being pissed off at him, usually for not calling. Long distance relationships only work if both people communicate, and I feel like it's rather one-sided at this point. Apparently he feels the same way, as it was his main point in our argument.

He told me that I don't share my feelings with him. All this time I was trying to be a breezy and light girlfriend, and not get too serious too fast, and he's lamenting the fact that I am not being open. Well, if that's what he wants, that's what he'll get. I will gladly share what's in my heart and on my mind, if I could ever get a hold of him. This was my main point of the argument. I told him that I was frustrated with always getting his voicemail and that it has been over a month since we've seen each other. His response was "really?" and then tells me that long distance relationships are hard. No shit.

So, I tried to make plans to drive out and see him this past weekend, as we both had Monday off. I got permission to leave work early, putting me in New Jersey about midnight. This would've given us all day Saturday and Sunday, and most of Monday before I'd have to drive back. He tells me he's not asking me to make the drive, and I told him he doesn't have to, I'm offering. He tells me he has some plans for the weekend- including a guys barbeque (which apparently would not be fun for me). I said that I didn't expect him to change his plans, but that I would tag along, and hanging with the guys is what I do here anyway.

He told me he doesn't want me coming out for the weekend, and that he doesn't like me making the long drive. I said that was fine, I was trying to arrange it last minute, but that I was super bummed about not seeing him. He said that he did miss me and promised that we would meet up halfway this weekend.

We were both still upset, but by then, it was so late that we agreed to continue the conversation when I got out of work the next day. He told me he would call me at 5pm. The call never came, and he's been sending me directly to voicemail ever since- the calls where it cuts off mid ring and voicemail picks up.

This makes it extremely difficult to plan this weekend, and I'm to the point that if we don't meet up, I am going to end it. This thought just kills me inside, but dragging this out kills me even more. I don't need this shit every day, especially if it's just a precursor to how the next year will go.

It is imperative that we talk; if I could only get a hold of him. I really hate the thought of saying all of this on the phone instead of in person, but I guess I don't have a choice. I also have an inkling that he's avoiding me and feeling the same thing. Am I worth the headache he's having over this?

Well, we shall see what happens with the next conversation, of which I'm both looking forward to and dreading.

First official argument.

Dammit.

Details later.