Wistful

Every once in a while I feel a pang because I see 21 come up on my news feed for Facebook.  I stopped subscribing to his status updates, I no longer text him, and I don't stalk him on there anymore.  But still, I see a glimpse on there, and I get a little wistful.  He's joined the National Guard, concentrating with the Marines, and I think the discipline is just what he needs.  I think being single, makes me think we could get back together sometime, but I know the reality is never.  I sent him a text on Christmas wishing him the very best and a Merry Christmas.  I didn't expect a response, and I didn't get one.

The way things ended with us kind of left things open to that.  I showed up at his house because we were supposed to go see Rocky Horror, and he acted surprised that I was there.  As of the previous night, we were still going, and we had even made dinner plans.  He told me his paycheck was delayed and he ran out of minutes again, and he just assumed I was going to go with someone else.

We argued about it, and I asked him if I had a title, and what we were doing.  He told me that he had a lot going on right now, and it just wasn't the right time for us.  It went on some more in this vein, and he had to go in and cook his mom her anniversary dinner.  He told me to call him the next day at a specific time.  I tried to do that, and got his voicemail repeatedly.  I finally got through via text, several hours later, and we talked for a bit.  He repeated that it just wasn't the right time for us.  That's the last I've heard from him.

I don't regret the relationship, or the ending.  He's not the one, and I see that.  But like I said, every once in a while, I see his name on my news feed, and I feel a pang of regret for pushing things.  I suppose if I were truly done, I'd defriend him, but I don't think I can yet.

**I meant to post this a month ago, but just now getting to it.  Don't worry, I'm fine.**