And now for something completely different . . .

Two short stories:

I heard my cat scrambling a while back through the apartment, and I thought, "what the hell?!?"  She was chasing a mouse, which I thought was impossible to get in a second story apartment.  I was certainly wrong on that count.  Well, my declawed cat finally caught it, and brought it to me in her mouth. It was still alive, and I didn't want to kill it by dumping it in the toilet that was close by.  I decided to set it free outside.  So, I'm carrying the car to the balcony while she carries the squeaking mouse in her mouth.  It's 7am, I'm on my balcony in my nightgown, and I'm shaking the cat, shouting "RELEASE!! RELEASE!!"  She finally does, right onto my bare foot!  The mouse scampers off right back into the apartment, and I scream bloody murder!  I was so grossed out, I went in and immediately washed my foot.  The mouse currently resides inside my dryer vent in the kitchen, and the cat stands vigil most days.  I don't want to think about what happens when it comes out again.

I was attempting to pump gas at Shell a few weeks ago, and the pump wouldn't work.  I'd already swiped my card, and the pump locked up, so the last thing I wanted to do was move my car ahead to another pump and try again.  So I proceeded to the store to have the pump unlocked.  I managed to trip over the curb, and as I was wearing Birkenstocks, I ripped a large chunk out of my big toe.  I went in the store, and the cashier was extremely busy.  She sees my foot and starts to freak out.  I told her, "just give me some paper towels, and unlock my pump, so I can go.  I'm 2 minutes from home."  She spends the next five minutes trying to deal with my pump while I get pissed off that she won't UNLOCK MY PUMP.  Finally, I take a wad of paper towels and stuff them in my shoe so she can't see it bleeding anymore, and guide her outside.  She unlocks my pump, 20 minutes after my first request.  Sheesh.  Oh, and my foot's fine now.