Already hating parts of the blog

I need a new title that conveys the meaning of the current title, but sounds catchier. Also, why are there no purple templates for me to use? I would love a light lavendar, and keep the text black, or a dark purple with white text. I also need to establish a theme, or I will never make it past May. I've thought about talking about what pisses me off each day, but that is a very negative bent to continue each day. Not that it would depress me, but others that may read this. And I do hope to have random strangers following me, just not all of the people I actually know. I should have put more thought into this, but hey, if everyone else jumps off a bridge . . .

Why am I unmotivated?

I was going great guns with exercise, working out at least 3 or 4 times a week, for over an hour. I was up to running 5 minutes at a stretch. I was on top of the world! Then, I broke my pinky toe (*see below), and I couldn't work out for two weeks. Most of what I do is cardio and on my feet, so of course it never occurred to me to do another form of exercise. I got out of the habit so easily, and now I never feel like it, and two months have passed. My original intent was to run part of the Flying Pig 5K this weekend, but now I have no stamina for running at all. I'm still going to walk it, but now I won't be able to keep up with Karen and finish in less than 45 minutes. I can't even run two blocks to catch the bus when I'm running late!

I have the desire to work out when I'm at work, but by the time I make it home, I'm exhausted. I've even gone so far as to change into work out clothes, then I sit around in them until it's time for bed. I wish I was one of those nauseating morning people that could get up at 5 am, get in a workout, and be ready for work on time. But then, I would probably be asleep by 9, and that would seriously cut down on my tv watching. I'm not sure what would motivate me at this point.

*I refused to turn on the light while walking in the living room, and slammed the side of my right foot against the ottoman, which happens to be made of solid plywood and wins when pitched against bone. Who knew?

Roommate

God, AJ pisses me off. Why is it, when he has a bad day at work, does he have to take it out on me? I happened to mention that he would have to move his bed to the side to get the air conditioner fixed, and he threw a hissy fit. Just the mere thought of moving his stuff a foot was enough to send him over the edge. He threatened moving out in September when Stan’s lease is up, and I for one, cannot wait. I may not be able to afford living here on my own, but a random stranger off Craigslist has got to be better than the slob I have for a brother.

Resenting the exclusion

April 23, 2009

I need to get over this resentment I’m feeling. I wasn’t invited to a luncheon my department was having for the sister of a deceased woman that used to work with everyone. I didn’t know the deceased, I don’t know the sister, and I did have bible study already planned for the lunch hour. Still, it would have been nice, even courteous, to be asked to attend. It was a formal invitation, planned out weeks in advance to all of the girls in the department, save myself. I did not know anything about it until an hour beforehand. I know my resentment stems from the exclusion, and I’m not even sure I would have accepted if the invitation was extended. It also irritates me that two girls didn’t know the guest either, and they were invited. I’m not sure if it was after the fact, since I was already in the study room at this point.

I know of a couple deliberate attempts by the organizer to exclude me from things in the department, and this feels like another. Once, the majority of the department was going out to lunch, and she saw me coming out of the bathroom, said “bye” and continued to the elevator, where, as the doors were closing, I saw the rest of the group behind her. Therein lays the root of my resentment: the feeling that it was a deliberate exclusion. It could have been an unintentional oversight, like she didn’t think of me when planning because I didn’t know the women, but previous interaction leads me to believe otherwise.

My hope is that in starting this blog, I can come to peace with a person in my department, regardless of her treatment of me, and learn to hold my tongue in situations where she could make my life miserable. Basically, pouring my frustrations out on paper instead of expelling them verbally. I hate having to watch my step all the time, but when a small person has amassed great power, it’s the measures I have to take.